A friend recently reminded me that one year ago I made the statement that I didn’t know if I’d make it. I didn’t know how much longer I could or would go on. Well, another year has passed. I have made steps forward and a few back with many stumbles along the way. But I am here, further along the path than I was. I am better now than I have been in years.
But, unfortunately, “better” does not mean “well”. While I’m further along in my treatment than I ever really imagined, there is much work to still be done. This week I am entering yet another phase of rehab. This time it is only partial hospitalization and not a full inpatient or residential treatment program. I will go to the center every day, and come home to be with my family at night.
The main focus this time is on addiction. I have many addictions. I have an addictive personality. Pain medication, benzodiazapines, alcohol, food, and self-harm are just a few of the addictions that I have been trying to deal with over the years. These addictions have been the guiders for my life. They have influenced my decisions, my abilities, my every move for many years.
I am scared, yet reassured. I am nervous, yet relieved. I am tired, yet excited. I am worn, yet being restored.
Right now, I am Better. One day I will be Well.~Lindsay