I read a blog post on another site recently with the same title. It struck a chord within me. It hit home in so many ways. So I decided to write my take on those three words.
In the last 10 years, my depression has worsened and my dependence on other people has increased. Texts and emails, phone calls and greetings are often begun with “I need you”. I felt like I couldn’t get through the days, and often the nights, without these people. I needed them to help me navigate the negative emotions and feelings I was experiencing.
In times of severe depression, anxiety and self-harm, the words “I need you” were often all I could utter in a voice that became all too familiar to my friends and family; knowing that I needed rescuing, and usually from myself.
One day, those words took a drastically different meaning to me. A simple text from a friend that really meant nothing other than a small favor, but she said “Hey Linds, I need you….”. And then I realized something. I had never considered that someone else needed me.
I often felt like a terrible burden. I felt so useless and worthless and hopeless. Yet even in those times, when I was at my worst, my friends and family never left my side. They never abandoned me or gave up on me. Because they loved me; and because they needed me. Long nights in hospitals, both medical and psychiatric, they slept by my side. Many days and nights they stayed next to me at home so I wouldn’t be alone.
Even greater still, the two little boys who call me mom who utter the words “Mommy, I need you!” I am needed. But in my greatest hour of need, I could not see or feel that. I could only cry out those words and I am so grateful that there was someone on the receiving end to catch me when I did so.
My fears of losing my battles to mental illness or sometimes even my desire to give up the battle must be fought with remembering that as much as I have needed others, I too am needed.
Friends, never forget that you are needed. Even in your darkest hour, when it all seems so hopeless and you feel like the worst of burdens or failures… I need you. You need you. We need you.~Lindsay