On this last day of November, I’d like to share something I’m thankful for. This might be long, but hang with me.
Many of you know I have a very strong mental health history. I suffer from bipolar depression, an eating disorder and severe anxiety. I like to advocate for Mental Health awareness as I feel there is such a stigma still associated with it all and it inhibits folks from seeking the help that they need for fear of rejection (or worse) from their friends and families. It is an illness and nothing more. We need to look past this idea that people choose eating disorders or anxiety or depression. True mental illness cannot be fixed simply with a little extra sleep and by “toughing it out”. They require the help of a professional and can take years to overcome.
Wednesday evening I was sitting in a trauma room in the ER. I had gotten so sick with dehydration from my eating disorder that my blood pressure had risen to a dangerously high level. My electrolytes were terribly imbalanced. I had a kind and compassionate doctor (Dr. Tuel) sit next to me and tell me I was in danger of seizures and a stroke and that I was very sick. They began giving me medicines and rehydrating me as well as hooking me up to monitors and machines to keep a close eye on my heart.
I have a history of suicidal ideation and suicide attempts. As this is in my record, they asked me if that was my intent with this episode. I assured them it was not. The doctor looked at me and told me I was lucky to be alive, sitting up and talking. He actually told me he was unsure how that was even possible given my vitals. I can only thank God for keeping me alive.
I received many medications, several boluses of fluids and was under careful watch for several hours. Almost as quickly as it all came on, it all went away. My vitals returned to normal, my labs readjusted themselves back to normal and I was ok. I stuck around for observation, but Dr. Tuel was quick to tell me someone “up there” had His hand on me because he had never seen something go from so bad to so good in such a short period of time and he’d been an ER doc over 20 years.
I look at my life and I’m grateful that I am here. I am alive becuase God has a plan for me and has kept his hand on me over the years. There have been many times in my life that I shouldn’t have made it to the other side of a medical emergency, but miraculously I have. There’s no other explanation than the Big Guy upstairs looking down on me. I take this all to mean I have a greater purpose here on this earth and He’s not done with me yet.
So here I am, pressing onward. Thankful and grateful and not for a moment overlooking the miracles in my life.